just fall

sometimes i wonder why i write this 'blog'. i wonder if it is so other people can read it and give me affirmations that my writing is something good and that i should pursue it because i may have a future in writing. shouldn't my love for writing be enough? does it need to actually be done well? for heaven's sake, i don't even capitalize anything. 

i got scared today at work. i have a student that reached out to me for help. she goes to journey so she has an idea of where i stand with God, i presume. she wrote me a letter last week. in her letter she said that she spent the previous night crying in her room wondering if the hole she felt she was in would ever go away; if she could ever climb out of it. she also said she wished she had faith as strong as mine. i got scared. i struggle, daily, to trust God. she wants advice from me. she is looking to me as a compass to point her back to God. what if i don't know what to say? what if i say the wrong thing? what if i actually turn her from God? part of me is excited because i feel that God can actually use me in this girl's life. i think my fear is rooted in my ability to completely let go and let God speak and move through me rather than me trying to move on my own. 

one sunday Will Oswald said the following, and it stuck with me, '' we serve so that other may see and know God."