be

in four days a good friend of mine will be married and living in boone, north carolina. i'm going to miss her. i am so excited for her wedding day-which i am blessed to be a part of-and the beginning of her new life together with the man that she loves. but i am still going to miss her.

knowing she is moving away makes me think of the past time i've had with her. for a few months we were able to live together in my one bedroom apartment. i'm sure i wasn't the best roommate in the world as i am starting to realize i have more pet peeves than i thought. i loved living with bethany. she has this contagious-always present-happiness about her. i get happy-of course. but bethany gets jubilantly happy. even when she is sad-she still has this ability to resonate joy from her. i know it sounds strange-but it is something that just happens with bethany and i love that about her.

with her leaving, i am forced to reflect on what i had and i am a little disappointed; in me. i a don't know when, or if, she will return to charlotte to live and i know that none of that has any weight on our friendship. i do wonder if i have been the best of a friend to her that i want to be. i worry if i have failed her as a friend. have i cherished her enough? have i spent enough time with her? does she know what she means to me-that she was my first real friend in charlotte? then i sit back for a minute and the whole picture expands. how are the rest of my friendships? i was having a conversation with my future brother-in-law and he was talking about relationships and giving; how people take turns giving and taking in a relationship. i couldn't help but let my mind wander and think about ALL of my relationships and if i give enough. they say hindsight is 100% and using mine now, i see that i struggled with selfishness A LOT as a child and i hope that isn't something i have carried with me into my adulthood.

i guess all of this ranting centers back to the fact that there may be anything-any little thing-that runs through our mind in any given moment. it takes intentional reflection to allow those little things to serve as big things. big things that can teach us big lessons. my big lesson for today? to let those you love KNOW you love them without question. give without expectations of receiving. BE a friend.